Weed, flower, or a lesson on patience?

This has popped up in my front flower bed. Every year something new grows that I haven’t planted, but I guess that’s to be expected when you clear out a lot of evergreen bushes from a bed that looks like it once had flowers.

There was the year I spent nurturing the burdock plant (yes, still have baby burdock all over the yard) and other such disasters. I’ve also had hollyhock pop up, flax, some sunflowers. Each area we clear out the overgrowth from I find new surprises (along with a lot more myrtle. If anyone wants some myrtle they just need to come visit with a bucket — you can even use my shovel)

I’m surprised that once again, my life is mirroring my garden. I’ve had something new creep up and we’re trying to figure out what it is.

It takes patience to wait it out, I’ve yet to get quality answers on anything in a rushed or hurried manner but it’s difficult to wait and see. Meantime I’m here waiting.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, is there room for guilt?

So much has been going on around here, and for once I’ve been at a loss of words.

It took me a long time to realize that the loss of words is because I don’t want to blog about facts, I wanted to blog about my feelings. I could do both, if only I was certain what I was feeling?

2009 has proved itself to be a busy year.

We finally have insurance that will cover neuro-psych evals so I’ve filled out what feels like 979 thousand behavior assessments. I know how I feel about the assessments and filling them out — no question about it. What I don’t know is how I feel about the results. Both The Investigator and The Scientist have a full set of alphabet soup problems following them around. (ADHD, NVLD, Dyslexia, SPD, APD, GAD all floating around and scattered here and there) I’m largely at a loss as to how to manage them when they’re all thrown together, I could take them in bits and pieces but together it’s a lot to sort through.

I’ve also decided that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross missed part of the grief cycle. Guilt.

The Investigator is 11 and just now getting diagnosed with dyslexia. At 11. Why didn’t I push harder? I asked about dyslexia several times at school, but because she doesn’t present typically due to how the non-verbal learning disorder presents my concerns were always laid to rest. (I know, I was shocked. Someone in my family being on the opposite end of the spectrum of textbook!) The school wasn’t dismissive of me, I was always satisfied logically with their explanations, I just wish I would have stopped to listen to my instincts (Even now the logical reasons make sense, I just know more now than I knew then. I wish Foresight had the same clarity of vision as Hindsight)

I’ve been telling people it’s like she’s trying to walk with a broken leg, with a large sore on the other foot. Most people would be able to take the broken leg and some crutches and get around just fine. They might not be able to run as fast or as far but they would be able to get from here to there with very few problems. For Charlet the crutches aren’t very helpful because she can’t stand on that other leg either.

Toss into the mix that this whole process is taking place during the summer.

Ever tried to get a hold of a teacher during the summer? One your child no longer has? Yeah, it’s fun. At least I managed to track down her IEP.

How different would her life be if we’d set up different interventions early on? If money hadn’t come in the way of getting to the bottom of her problems, and now getting the best treatment for those problems.

Wall-o-water

I’ve had a lot of people comment on my wall-o-waters or ask if I’d let them know if I decided I liked them or not. I knew when I was a teen how well they worked, but people still seem hesitant.

They’re not the latest and greatest gimmick, they’re apart of nearly all of my gardening memories right down to wondering why I couldn’t plant apple seeds and grow apples as a very young child.

Two years ago in the middle of nursing school I got an itch to plant. In February. It’s still really really cold, and under snow in February but I managed to get ahold of some tomato plants and put them in the ground a week into March during a warm stretch. Before the plants had really taken hold and started going well we had a hard freeze. I walked outside about 10 and everything was still frozen solid. I reached down into one of the tubes in the wall-o-water and pulled out a solid chunk of ice.

I was convinced I’d lost my tomatoes, and after all who plants the first week in March and expects the tomatoes to survive?

Me, that’s who. They did survive all except for one leaf that was touching the side of the wall-o-water. If you’ve ever slept in a snow cave and know how warm it is, that is the principle behind wall-o-waters.

I wasn’t quite as anxious this year since I was busy tending to the seedlings on my washer/dryer but the tomatoes went in anywhere from 4-6 weeks before the last frost date depending on what source you use, and when there was still snow on the face of the mountain (that’s what gets me the tsk tsk’ing from the older generation)

April 18 before they were all under wall-o-waters.

May 8

May 15 after the wall-o-waters came off. Some people leave them on all season, but it makes it hard to weed the base of the plant and since my planter box is in the front yard I think the tomatoes are prettier without them. This is the earliest I’ve ever pulled them off, but the month forecast looks great and I needed to be puttering today.

We’ve even had these pop up in the month they’ve been in the wall-o-waters.

Guilt — the ugly beast.

I’m not happy being a stay-at-home-mom. I tried to force myself into that role several times and we never got a long in the slightest.

Working, no matter where it’s been, has always been my “break” and I’ve enjoyed it the same goes for school. It’s been nearly 5 years since I’ve been able to call myself a stay-at-home-mom and I’m just now starting to feel the guilt.

It’s not the big things I’ve missed that bother me, it’s the little ones.

The Investigator played first base tonight, for the first time and got 3 outs. She has pictures on Tuesday and I’ll miss them too (leaving Dad to do her hair — yikes!) I can’t volunteer in the classroom because my schedule varies so much, and because of how long I was out sick in February/March I won’t be able to take any vacation time this summer.

I’m missing out on those quiet moments just before the sun goes down when everything seems perfect. I know that I’d be missing perfect even if I was at home since those are the moments of our dreams.

Who needs a time machine? Not I!

I think I’m going to start calling my car the time machine, because I do believe that is the only way that I could have possibly made it to everything tonight.

I even had time to catch this picture on the way out the door before the orchestra concert and the Kindergarten end of year program.

I promise, I never told them to look everywhere but the camera. This does give me a lot more hope though, hope that in the near future I will be able to get a sibling picture that doesn’t involve eye rolling, pouting, or name calling.

Garden update

Tomatoes are growing up and out of their wall-o-waters, so is the tomatillo in the background.

Last year I planted a cilantro plant (as in one plant) and attempted to save the coriander seeds. As I was waiting with a brown bag over the cilantro plant we had a wind storm (I know! Shocking that Cedar would have a wind storm!) and it blew the sack and the coriander all over. I now have probably 30 cilantro plants popping up everywhere. I hope my neighbors like cilantro…

Softball season

I realize that there should be a really awesome photo with this post, but my one bit of whining is that my camera was throwing errors at the field (that of course now it won’t that I have the manual and can fiddle with it)

Today was one of those games that everyone hopes for. Come from behind win by the skin of their teeth kind of game.

The Investigator hit a home run (distance of about 4 feet, but she made it around all the bases with the girls in the dug out going crazy — perhaps I was going a bit crazy too) and scored the winning run.

Even with their first 3 games being devastating losses she’s having fun and enjoying herself. Seeing her be so happy and on top of the world today was worth all of the long days and waiting I’ve done each summer for 6 years now.

Dandelions

So many adults cringe at the thought of a lawn full of dandelions. Aisles are full of dandelion eradicating chemicals in stores everywhere.

We were walking around the block and there are two houses on the other side that could be on a weed and feed commercial. Their front lawns join and one is dotted with dandelions everywhere and the next has 1 dandelion on it anywhere. Just as I was noticing the stark difference, The Informer commented on how sad the house without dandelions must be without any wish flowers.

Somewhere along life our perspective changes. What was once a beautiful wish flowers bringing with them all the magic and wonder of spring and childhood becomes a weed, a chore to get rid of to gain bragging rights about our yard.

It has made me stop and wonder what other things in life has our perspective changed on, perhaps causing us more work and stress than is necessary instead of being able to stop and enjoy or perhaps even benefit from.

I leave the dandelions, partially because we don’t have much grass in our lawn (trying to decide what to do with it but no great plans yet) and partially because they help our watermelon patch. Their deep tap roots reach below the hard pan and bring up minerals and promote earthworm tunnels.

Dandelion Farm

I have 7 tomato plants (early girl, lemon boy, a couple of mystery “Best of Show”, cherry, sweet 100) and a tomatillo plant in the ground underneath the wall-o-waters. There are even blossoms on a couple of the tomato plants.

I took some of my broccoli seedlings out too, they’re the dark ones in the foreground the light frost nipped ones at the ones from the store.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

I’ve been waiting for a good rainstorm so I could post this, and today we had a beautiful refreshing storm that left everything smelling clean and fresh. I was busy driving, and didn’t have my camera with me to capture the storm only the after of a cloudy sky and drops on the crabapple tree.

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know that I’ve had just a touch of spring fever this year.

It is very renewing and spiritual for me to watch the world wake up each spring. Colorless deserts come to life and the cold snow filled scenes turn green, yellow, pink, and purple. Birds are singing and the air smells fresher.

We dig out softball mitts, soccer balls, bats, bikes, and kites. If it’s even slightly reasonable to be outside, we are.

One thing I’m trying to do this year that I haven’t done in the past is spring clean. Honestly, it’s not going so well but I’m trying. Spring cleaning is part of what spurred this post because DrGreene.com is having a Seventh Generation spring cleaning contest. I’d have to clean if I won right?

Go ahead, go on and enter I won’t care much that it lowers my chances of winning.