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Archive for July, 2008

Didn’t get me out of my slump, but I did find some beautiful gladiolas.

Gladiolas

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Fresh tomatoes!

I planted a large variety of indeterminate tomatoes this year, several heirloom varieties so that I can start them from seed next year. Of all the vegetables that I grow and prefer out of my garden, nothing compares as much as a fresh garden tomato. So, I would love to introduce you to Mr. Stripey, an indeterminate heirloom.

Mr Stripey

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I’m feeling in such a rut, I’m not sure if it is the result of everything that is going on in my life zapping all I have left or what, but I’m left with…well…nothing.

He loves me, he loves me not

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Itty bitty garlic

None around here during garlic harvesting time. Well, unless you have read The Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer and know that the garlic rumors are nothing more than just rumors.

All of my garlic is up out of the beds and all but one bulb is itty bitty. I know some of the cloves I planted were small and ‘they’ say that big cloves grow big bulbs and the same is true for small cloves but some of them were big. I’m not going to save any of them for planting in the fall, instead I am going to hope that they have garlic at the farmers market again this year and hand pick some bulbs.

If you have some yummy garlic recipes throw them at me, since I’ve also heard that small bulbs don’t store well so I’m going to have to use and give away what I’ve just harvested.

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I learned today just how true that is once you catch the EMS bug.

I have been juggling too many balls to keep them all in the air and something had to go. There was nothing on the “things I don’t like doing” list that was allowed to go (I tried hard to justify housework, but I couldn’t) and when I went through the whole list the only thing that made sense to let go is the thing I enjoy the most. I’m no longer running on the ambulance.

I truly credit running with pulling me out of a depression, giving me a love for patient care, and whatever it is about EMS that no one seems to be able to accurately describe but everyone knows what you are referring to if they have experienced it.

I thought I’d gotten all of my tears about resigning out the past week and thought I could handle it a little bit better than I did, but no it didn’t work that way. As I was on my way out of my supervisors office the director over the entire program came in and it started all over.

Bleah.

It feels so weird, I’m sitting here listening to my pager go off and realizing that soon that won’t be happening anymore. I feel very much like I’ve lost a part of ‘me’ and my identity is missing a big chunk. I had a couple of ideas of what image to stick with this post, but I’m stuck at home with a sick car (again!) and a major creative slump and lack of desire to shoot my way out of it just yet.

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I knew going into healthcare that I would always be learning. New equipment, new tests, new diseases, new treatments, new classes to take. I’ve always said that I could be a wonderful perpetual student and that is part of why I chose healthcare (or why healthcare chose me)

What I didn’t realize is how many other lessons my patients would have for me if I could just take the time to open up and learn with my heart. I know reading lessons that others have learned is never as good or memorable as having learned it first hand for yourself but I would be selfish to horde my newly discovered insights. I will warn you that as you read these posts (I plan on more in the future) nothing you see will be earth shattering information, just tidbits that have really been driven home to me.

That said, here we go. Lesson #1

So much comes down to two things. Attitude and Knowledge. Sometimes the course of one’s life is set and all the medical technology in the world and the most care providers can’t change that. The attitude that you have while on that course will make all the difference in the world to you and those around you. Knowledge factors in here because without knowledge of what is happening in your life uncertainty and doubt creep around in the dark corners of your mind. Even if the knowledge is a poor prognosis or otherwise categorized as bad news you at least know what you are up against instead of standing in the dark wondering what monsters are out there.

Thistle

Is it a noxious weed or a beautiful shape full of texture just waiting to be photographed? It’s up to each of us to decide, and one of those decisions can be “both” We don’t have to let the weeds over take our lives to be able to appreciate them for the beauty they have.

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I’m not positive yet, so I’m not going to say definitively, but I have to say something to someone. Since I know there are lots of someones (yes, said with heavy sarcasm) who read here I’m going to not mention it here.

I have several ways that I identify myself. Some of them are forever (I will never not be a Mom) some of them I hope are forever, others I wish would go away.

It’s come time to move away from one of those that I had hoped would be forever, I think. I’m going to try to sleep on it though.

My Aunt needs help taking care of my Grandfather and the little bit I have helped has been an enormous time drain. There were times in my search to find myself that what I was doing (typically school) needed to come before family stuff (really, the laundry doesn’t go anywhere if you deal with it after all of your major papers are due) and now that I’m through with school I need to rebudget my time again and put my time where it is most important.

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