Archive for September, 2012

It’s been a busy weekend, and I’m still only feeling about 75%  CHS Homecoming game last night, SUU Homecoming parade this morning then Red Cliffs this afternoon.  Had it just been up to me I’d have skipped probably all of the above, but with as much as I’ve been working the kids needed some downtime too so I medicated myself — don’t worry, nothing to make me sleepy or loopy — and we went.

CHS game last night was fun, definitely one of those places that while there are a bunch of people around I feel incredibly lonely and out of place.  It doesn’t help that my football knowledge could fit into a very small thimble.  Towards the end it got exciting ending with a heartbreaking bounce off of the goal posts that would have tied it up.

SUU Homecoming parade was like Halloween.  SUUper Heroes all over the place and the amount of candy was insane.  Band sounded great, this time Charlet is completely across from us in the video.

I wasn’t up for hiking up the hill a bazillion times at Red Cliffs, so I mostly played photographer and helped walk Kaede down (it was a team effort)  We did walk up to the pools and by the time we got back down I was exhausted and glad to be home.

Upper pool

Kids in the pool

Snake they found

Michael rappelling

Promise Charles was not trying to trip the girls

(more pictures later, kids need me for a minute)

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Really?!?!? No! I refuse!

I think it’s interesting how sometimes the days that you can list things a mile long that haven’t gone right or have gone very, very wrong seem better than days when it’s hard to define a list.

Today isn’t a hard to define list day.

  • Been working crazy amounts and am completely burned out on being at work away from the kids at night.  They have things going on that they need an attentive parent home for and I’m feeling guilty.
  • I think I have a monster UTI.  Bladder spasms that wanted to double me over last night and peeing every 20 minutes this morning until I decided that pyridium wouldn’t affect a UA and I wasn’t going to be up being miserable until I could get seen.
  • After the pyridium I slept.  Hard.  Very hard.  Missed most of “office hours” missed waking up for VT, and I know there was something else I was planning on waking up late morning for that I didn’t.
  • Softball tonight, see post #2.  I think this is the last week of softball and I’m likely going to suck it up and at least try to play but I feel absolutely rotten — going to see what some aggressive hydration does.  Hope it doesn’t send me back to peeing every 20 minutes because that is not going to agree with softball.
  • All this summer I’ve been thinking “when I go for my physical I want to get set up with a MD in town.  I don’t want to need the ER and from there need to be admitted and end up with {fill in list of names that you couldn’t pay me enough to name in a public forum}  So now, I need to be seen and do you think I’ve gotten established with someone yet?  Ohhh no I haven’t.  I don’t care for the provider who works Friday’s at the satellite clinic I am established with.
  • Called, hoping for a miracle of a sure we can get you in today or tomorrow and had to leave a message.  That I haven’t heard back from yet — wondering if that’s normal or not for this office, I don’t care for an answering machine at the front desk.
  • Completely missed a VT appt.  I was going to call and explain when I woke up late morning, but that wake up didn’t happen so… *sigh*  Lots of unrelated guilt here but I can’t be everything to everyone and I can’t do everything perfect right now (or ever, but I’m working on currently cutting myself some slack.
  • I’m struggling to find someone who likes scary movies to go to the theater with me. 

Each thing varies in importance and I could have kept going but it’s time to walk and get Kaede and I need to find a water bottle first.  I will get past this, just like I do everything else.  One foot in front of the other.

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I was going to find a picture of a wildland fire burn scar to go with this post and decided it wasn’t exactly appropriate.  A dried out lake bed more accurately describes how I feel.

I’ve been working crazy amounts and all spread out.  We all have.  Our patients are sicker.  {yes, I know I work in the ICU and patients there are sick, but they’re sicker just trust me}  Our intermediate patients are busier.  I am exhausted on days I work and don’t get anything else done.  I’ve long believed that the harder you work the harder you need to play but when I have an opportunity to play {so very, very rare my social life consists of work} I’m too tired or I sit and think about the bazillion things that aren’t done at home.

There is a softball game tomorrow, Homecoming game on Friday, parade for SUU’s Homecoming on Saturday and then we’re going rappelling.  Nothing like falling off of a cliff to reset you to normal.  It’s gearing up to be a long, long winter and I’m having a harder time remembering just how difficult this summer was with me not working at all.

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I will occasionally blog hop and read where ever I end up.  It’s a little like window shopping in the mall.  I’m usually not reading with a purpose, I don’t plan on purchasing anything but it’s fun to look.  One day I came across a post from a parent who had taken their small children on a hike that they knew would push the limits of their ability.  There were pictures, cute happy faces on the trail, scenery, oddities found along the way, and triumphant we made it faces at the end.  The author said (paraphrased) she whined a little, asked to be carried, didn’t want to go any further but she did it — just like I knew she could — without being carried. It took a lot of encouragement and reminding her what was at the end, but she did it.  I wish I could remember where I found it so I could quote it instead of trying to remember it from my biased memory.

The phrase whisked me out of peeking into a stranger’s life and back into my own.

How many times in life do we get tired and think that our hike is too long, too hard, too bumpy, too hot, too uphill and just plain too.  I know that I’ve whined and asked to be carried and quite possibly pouted when things didn’t get easier.  Fortunately I’ve also had a lot of encouragement and reminders of what is at stake and the bigger picture.

There have also been times that I’m certain I’ve been carried, when suddenly my load seems lighter and I catch a glimpse of a beautiful overlook.

If we were carried everywhere in life we’d atrophy just like unused muscles.  The hike has to be bumpy, hard, and even a little precarious at times for us to grow and strengthen.  I look back at those times that I was pouty and realize that I wasn’t carried not because I wasn’t loved but because He knew I could do it.  It pushed the limits of my ability and it was slow.  Sometimes I stopped and sat down on a log, refusing to go any further but I made it.  Well, I haven’t made it yet — but I made it past that difficult stretch of trail.

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Laundry soap

I’ve been scrapping the bottom of the box of Tide for the last few loads of laundry and I dread buying laundry soap.  Scents to decide on, prices to groan over, the pretty scent with the soap that does nothing, not to mention being daring enough to try something new and having the kids skin react.

A while back Carmina mentioned she was going to make some laundry soap.  I’d tried that when Charlet was a baby but the big bucket of half gel, half goo, half liquid (yes, I can do math) was a pain and I didn’t get my yummy smells and it wasn’t wonderful on baby spit up marks.  Did I mention it was a pain?  I never tried it again, but several years ago I came across a recipe for powdered laundry detergent.

One problem, I couldn’t find Washing Soda anywhere.

I’ve since been using washing soda as a booster in the laundry but had long forgotten about the recipe until Mina reminded me.  So today on my day off, without kids, with nothing else planned or demanded of me I chose to spend my me time making laundry detergent.  Yes, I know — I have no social life.

Now my house smells of jasmine and laundry is piling up for me to fold (why oh why can’t there be a laundry detergent recipe that folds the laundry too????)

Laundry Detergent

1 box Borax
1 box Baking Soda (4 lb)
1 box Washing Soda (4 lb)
3 bars fels naptha soap
3 lbs oxyclean (or equivalent–I used a cheap equivalent)
 essential oils if desired (I desired)

Dump baking soda in a big container (I used the roaster pan, other people use 5 gallon buckets but I didn’t have one empty) and drop in the essential oils (I didn’t measure) and let sit while preparing the fels naptha.  I grated the fels naptha in the food processor (which I had to replace, mine broke mid-project but it’s just barely been hanging on since last years mass grate and freeze episode) then processed it so that the soap was in tiny bits.  Pour everything into the pan with the baking soda, mix well and store.  Use 1-2 tablespoons per load.  I have mine is a pretty glass jar from Wal-mart and I use the tiny scoop from the oxyclean.

Enjoy the laundry. (ha! I can pretend, right?)

I got the recipe from Being Creative Blog It wasn’t the first place I saw it, but I never followed their link to the original source and I couldn’t find that blog again.  I also added some jasmine essential oils.  Maybe at some point I’ll pull out the camera and make these posts a little more interesting but for now you can go to the link and see her pictures.

As for how it works, it has Kaede’s playground dirty pants clean, socks that the kids ran outside in the mud in white, and scrubs that had…well, never mind the details there.  Scrubs are clean and fresh smelling too.

I have plenty of fabric softener for the time being but when I run out I’m making my own.


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So I’m trying to format the blog so it looks a little prettier and a little more me.  Okay, more me than pretty — but isn’t Navajo lake gorgeous?  I think so.

One of the things I wanted to do was to have categories up near the top and I knew what I’d want in the categories but hadn’t thought of what to title them.  Recipes, that’s easy.  Adventures for our little day trips and other adventures, okay.  Projects for things that aren’t quite an adventure.  Photoblog because I really am trying to get out shooting more.  Life for miscellaneous things.  Then came the last category.  Religion didn’t quite fit, I thought of naming it something a little cuter like Sunday but it’s not a one day a week gig for me — it’s how I try to be every day and just how I live my life.  Church didn’t fit either.  It’s not likely that I’m going to sharing doctrine I’ll be sharing my beliefs.  Aha!  Beliefs.  It is broader than gospel doctrine and definitely encompasses me starting to believe in myself, in others, in the ability of an evening of softball to turn my mood around.  Beliefs it is.

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It’s Fall!

And fall means Bonnie’s block party.  This year the ward ended up scheduling the ward party the same day/time as Bonnie had worked out for the block party so they’re combined.

I’m working {maybe}  I hope that I can end up splitting the shift so I can go, something about working as much as I have been leads to an even smaller social life than I had and with so few opportunities I hate to miss one.  Especially one as fun as this is.

I have lemon bars in the oven and I figure it’s a win-win situation.  Either I am on call and get to go to the party or I’m working and I end up with a pan of lemon bars.

Soon the leaves will start turning and there will be more than a hint of fall in the air.  As much as I’d like to hike Kanarra before it’s too cold to go through the water (yeah, that’s about now — I’m kind of wimpy) I don’t see when it’s going to be looking at my work schedule.  I might just have to go without the kids or be satisfied with Red Cliffs later on.  Red Cliffs would be great if I get completely cleared from ortho and can go rappelling.

***Update:  I’m working, hope everyone has a great time at the party***

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Remind me…

This summer I was on LOA from April to August, much of that time unable to use my left hand.  I thought I could handle one handedness fairly decent, after all I’ve had 3 kids and was master of doing things with a baby in arms.  Turns out, I can do one arm fairly well, but not one hand.  ShaLiece brought me dinner one night on a weekend the kids were with their Dad and included a shake for breakfast.  I couldn’t open the shake.  I’ve been stuck in my shirts, unable to open the simplest of things, and frustrated.  Much of my summer was spent sitting on the couch trying to heal and not go crazy.

In July I was asked if I could help get vitals for the Boy Scout physicals.  I’ve never been so happy to be asked to help with anything before.

When I left for leave we had 5 nurses that worked nights, now we have 3.  We staff 2 deep and I don’t know how you do your math but my math that equals a lot of work.  Not working was making me crazy, a lot faster than working constantly has — I need to remember that.  I also need to figure out how to manage my life for the next few months until we get the new ones trained and on board.

I can do hard things. 

Oh, the reference for that is not exactly what I thought it was.  Elaine Dalton used it in a Conference talk, found here. On Standards Night when the Corry’s talk they used the Mormon Messages video Daytons Legs

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With possibilities comes hope, with hope comes smiles, with smiles comes joy.

Nothing earth shattering has happened lately other than a change in my perspective. I’m still {forever} behind on my housework, crazy busy at work since we’re working short, struggling with homework stuff with the kids {again, forever}, and only managing to find time for me a few times a week with softball. Honestly, softball is a huge leap forward in my self care. Everything looks better on the softball field.

I don’t know what the catalyst for change has been. A few conversations that aren’t the first of their kind felt different. I don’t know if it’s been the passing of time, things feeling more settled (even if settled turns out to be suckier than not settled was) but I realize I have possibilities in front of me. Starting fresh and new, I can do hard things (anyone know that reference? I remember Corry’s talking on it at Standards night, I’ll try to remember to ask ShaLiece this week)

Maybe I can’t do hard things with a shiny, tidy house with smiling kids who never fight and mascara that never smudges but I can do hard things. Eventually the house will get clean{er}, kids will {temporarily} get along, I’ll find the perfect mascara. Just not all at once. If someone were to ask me how I’m doing, wanting “the list” of things going on I’m certain I’d get some form of the “I don’t know how you do it” reply. If it was someone who wanted to truly know how I’m doing I’d have a much more positive and uplifting reply. Things have been going better in my life at times I’ve struggled a lot more.

What’s the difference?

The difference is hope.

Every time I’ve been a breath away from giving up hope is what has brought me through. Hope of change, a quick glimpse into the future as I’d like it to be, hope for things to come. Everyone out there has possibilities, I wish for you to see yours and get the relief from them that I have this week. There isn’t anything quite as satisfying as going to sleep with a smile on your face 🙂


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My blog collection…

Turns out I collect blogs like I collect journals. Initially starting with different blogs for different purposes. The secret blog that was for a short time a journal, only safer and only viewable to me (thanks for that suggestion Cheryl) my photoblog from forever ago (yes, it’s been forever since I’ve done much shooting) the blog I used through school. Then this one, with 1 post on it. I don’t remember even starting it honestly but looking at the timing of it, I’m blaming early on in my LOA fog for not remembering. I want to be writing more, even just random flow of consciousness stuff — I’d also like to get out shooting more. We’ll see how well this works. ~Heather

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