Archive for June, 2013

I’m melting

I don’t like the heat.  At all.  The water truck is finally moved so I’m going to take my frustrations out on the heat if it leaves me with enough energy to do so. 


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One Wish

On a walk tonight I realized that my walks have changed over the last couple of years. I use to aptly refer to them as therapy walks. I’ve walk out multiple bonfires fueled by anger or frustration, said more sincere prayers, pondered counsel and gotten far more than ever expected from walks. 

My walks aren’t the same anymore. Kaede wants to go, always and for the time being I’m not going to deny her. 
Tonight on the way home I realized if i had one wish it would be someone to walk with me at night after the girls are in bed. 
A younger version of me would have wished away the need for a therapy walk instead of longing for the tools that help me past the trial. 
Ever so slowly my perspective is changing. One moment at a time. 

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Remember back when I finished, in a mostly timely manner, my 30 days of gratitude and I said I wanted to make it a weekly event?  No?  Whew, well then maybe you won’t care that I forgot too.

I remembered. 
If I were to detail out all of my gratitudes now in individual posts I’d be good for the rest of the year and likely still forget something, someone or a situation.  Not to mention the many little things that I’m unaware of while being globally thankful for a good day. 
Today I’m grateful for people.  From Dad who can do almost anything, Mom who would have stayed home from Alaska if I’d just asked {this year or others} and is the best laminator using clear contact paper that I know to brothers who sent me falling off cliffs, had many graveyard shift conversations, fixed my {whatever} and are only a phone call away. 
In the Mormon Messages video Mountains to Climb Elder Eyring says “the Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up” I fully believe that many of God’s miracles are done by ordinary people listening to the spirit and doing what needs to be done, much like the line in Fried Green Tomatoes that says “I believe God has angels walking around disguised as people…”  I don’t know what unseen angels are by my sides but I have friends in walking distance to the north, south, east, and west that bear me up, hold me when I can’t manage on my own, listen when I need to talk and don’t ask questions when I need to not talk. The list of reasons I am grateful for them looks much like a picture of Santa going through the naughty or nice list of all the kids in the world, for the most part innumerable. I’ve received cards, late night visits to keep me together, kid taxing, smiles and hugs each act of kindness or service keeps me going when I am not certain I can otherwise. Your thoughts and feelings that you have shared with me are invaluable. 

A significant part of my list is ward leadership. I’ve tried to journal some of the feelings I’ve had from blessings that I received and I don’t think those words exsist in the English language. Having a Priesthood blessing being only a call away is amazing–especially when that call comes in the middle of the night. Home Teachers truly do a lion’s share of the Lord’s work in quiet regular visits to their families. I have new visiting teachers, and I know that in the past Visiting Teachers have been just as important. 
Working last night in not my home department made me realize how much my work family means to me. The quiet support I get at work helps keep me going from one drip titration to the next. 3west people I miss you too, feel free to call me when the floor is crazier than you can staff.
I’m grateful for the people who are trained to help others, particularly those who love their job.
To strangers going through hard times and blogging about it, thanks you are an inspiration. Those who can tell a story and make me laugh I am grateful you share your talent. Laughter is a potent medication. 
My heart is full of gratitude tonight for all of you. 

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Tonight’s post is brought to you by the letter M{om}, J{effrey R Holland}, and the number 6{th Ward Bulletin}

Mom send me a clipping from their ward bulletin that she’d laminated with clear contact paper and stuck a magnet on. I remember her doing similar things for Aunt Deb and including them in her letters. This one came from Alaska, with love.  

The quote is from Elder Holland {loved him for as long as I can remember} from April 1997 titled “Because She is a Mother”.  Interestingly, as I was searching for this talk one of the other conference talks that year was titled “Bishop, help!”  very well timed for me.

When you have come to the Lord in meekness and lowliness of heart and, as one mother said, “pounded on the doors of heaven to ask for, to plead for, to demand guidance and wisdom and help for this wondrous task,” that door is thrown open to provide you the influence and the help of all eternity.  Claim the promises of the Savior of the world.  Ask for the healing balm of the Atonement for whatever may be troubling you or your children.  Know that in faith things will be made right in spite of you, or more correctly, because of you.

You can’t possibly do this alone, but you do have help.  The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you–He who resolutely goes after the lost sheep, sweeps thoroughly to find the lost coin, waits everlastingly for the return of the prodigal son.  Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be.

I love the quote from the anonymous mother.  Such a great description of how I feel right now.  Mom, thanks for the quote, the lamination job and the magnet so that just maybe it doesn’t get lost.


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I have burned off significant stress, work through problems in my head and found peace in my flower beds. I was greeted this morning coming home from work by my carnations blooming. 

My dark iris opened up yesterday
Pansies always make me smile inside. 

My new poppy had to fight the wind

This sweet little thing opened up too

My Mexican primrose is vibrant
Even my hen is going to bloom. 

This summer I fully subscribe to garden therapy. I’ve poured out my heart and occasionally watered my flowers with tears. Turning the parking strip into a flower bed has been a great stress relief. 

With a bunch if perennials it will take years of patience to see it as I imagine it now. Nothing worthwhile in my life has come easy, this is just a lot more physical work and somehow a little easier to be patient with. 

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