Archive for November, 2013

Our printer is out of ink, has been for a while. Kaede has the share fair coming up and because of the no printing problem she was hand writing the answers to her questions. She was overwhelmed and near meltdown over it needing to be written neatly. 

I told her that yes she could do it. No one expected it to be perfect just that she did her very best, even though it was hard. Her best would be good enough and no one would require more. 
Then came the lightbulb moment with the strength of flipping on the over head lights in a patient room at 3 am while they are sleeping. No one requires me to be perfect, just to do my best and try my hardest, even when it’s difficult and I’m overwhelmed. Kaede’s handwritten answers aren’t as perfect as a typed copy and that’s okay. She took her situation, her mountain and did her best. She pushed herself to do more than she thought she could. 
I can see it being easy to blur the line between complacent and accepting less than perfection, but I believe if we are always doing our best and trying our hardest that complacency won’t be a problem because hard things done repeatedly become easier and the bar for ‘hard’ is set a little higher. 

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I’ve been asked a few times lately “what I miss the most”. Without going into unnecessary details it’s not what I miss exactly it’s what do I want, hope for, long for. 

There is a post on Huffington about ‘boring’ men. It hit on many things that I want, made me think of many others. I want a shoulder to cry on literally, for hours if needed, words optional a whisper that everything will be okay bonus. Someone to spend hours in the kitchen making their favorite meal for when they’ve had a hard day or maybe not hours — I don’t care if the favorite is Ramen noodles — but a smile of appretiation for a labor of love melts my heart.  Someone to share a great day with;  It’s hard coming home from a great day at work high to a dark and empty house. Surprise planning and things like Christmas; it’s more fun working out details with someone. Someone to talk about the quiet, personal spiritual moments;  not necessarily just spiritual moments but times that are personal enough you don’t want to tell everyone but wish you could share with someone. 
Now that it feels a little (okay, lot) like I’ve bared my soul I’m going to go listen to sad country love songs to fall asleep.  Have a good night!

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All around awesome day. Work was fine, Rachel came in early so I could get to Kaede’s concert on time and if it wasn’t for Macayla’s ironing the very wrinkled concert outfit and every other little thing that went right I’d have not gotten her there by call time.

There were a few technical difficulties like running out of memory and spending all of Edelweiss deleting unnecessary thinks like a mad woman — one of my favorite songs too. 
Song of Gratitude (I think, program is still in the car). Kaede is directly behind the cue poster. You can occasionally see her legs (black tights)

Then Hometown and Edelweiss which were lost due to technical difficulties.  76 Trombones you get glimpses of her on this one.

I Am The Earth
Then Thanksgiving rounds. You can see Kaede in this one!
We finished the evening with dinner at The Little Brick House with Becky and Monica and loads of laughter and fun. 

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Sunday Musings

It’s been a quiet Sunday around here, thought about going for a thinking walk but the cold kept me inside.  

Middle/end of October I posted a quote from Jeffrey R. Holland and discussed my mixed emotions. For this weekend and hopefully days to come my perspective has changed. 
For now hard things feel productive and like I’m going somewhere instead of the quick sand I was in where regardless of what I did I felt like I was sinking further and the best plan was to do nothing. 
What changed? I can’t tell you for certain but I did start listening to my body more. Hello shingles, do you think I need to look at stress management?  I did to. I was honest and open with people close to me. Not in a just listen but don’t do anything kind of way but looking for advice and support. I knew harder was just ahead and might need someone to pull me up.  I was given a challenge and accepted it (previously referred to as my mountain and it will be later on too). Then following the bishop’s wise counsel I looked for a way to serve.  Yes between being Mom and an RN most of my time is spent doing things for other people and I’m grateful. Going to work and taking care of others often helps me temporarily set aside my concerns, giving me some breathing room and rest. This service needed to be different, not a have to or a because everyone else is and definitely not something so pressing that I stress more about it. I wanted to get the girls in on it too and have it be something they could get excited about. 
We’ve “adopted” some missionaries.  The girls are excited and at Thanksgiving we’re (everyone going to Gary’s) going to put packages together for them. I don’t think they will arrive before Christmas but I want this to be a new Thanksgiving tradition. 
I don’t think one thing changed, I think a bunch of small things have. I am so grateful for those changes. 

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Sometimes a picture really does speak a thousand words. Sometimes those words are in a hidden language that only a few can understand and can’t really be explained. That said, today I’m grateful for broken china.  Thankful enough to even pull out my Nikon for this post.

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Glass half full?

Everything in life has an equal an opposite force. From the laws of physics to quickly spoken quotes that can dimish how difficult it can be to reframe ones thoughts.  Sometimes it takes a little distance in both time and space to be able to see the other half of the glass regardless of which half we’re looking at. 

One of the downsides of working days is that I have more nights alone.  I never listed that on my list of perks about night shift, it took being away from it for a while and feeling the loneliness to be able to acknowledge the value in hanging out with work friends. It is important to acknowledge the pain. Not to hang onto it forever or wallow in it but realize that this trial, this challenge hurts at times nod then let it go so you can move forward. 

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April 2013 General Conference Boyd K. Packer
Not just your standard lets start this meeting or pray before we eat, but what I’ve referred to as Enos prayers. 
Listening to Conference in April I couldn’t focus on much else besides the highlighted portion. To a single Mom who is frustrated about the lack of Priesthood in the home, even with it only being a phone call away that blurb was heaven sent. Lately it’s been easy to tell the difference between standard prayer and a sincere talking to God prayer. The difference isn’t always what words are spoken but in my heart. 

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