Archive for February 20th, 2014

…you don’t know

Forget phototherapy, it’s meme therapy week apparently. In a few weeks I will be a place that always feels like my parenting is being judged. Parent Teacher Conferences. At my best getting the kids organized and on task and turning in the assignments we struggled to complete is nearly impossible. Things are far from best right now and there are 100 “little things” I could do more each day that someone else is certain will make a huge difference in kids’ lives. I could model better housekeeping skills, we could recite math facts while cheerfully making complex recipes that require three pots to simultaneously be stirred constantly. We should have ate more veggies today, drank more water, walked to school and choir instead of driving. Let’s not forget patiently waiting around the High School to be present for both solo & ensemble performances.  Oh, the dress for the performances?  I made sure to buy one that didn’t need to be ironed or it would always be wrinkly. 
Yes there are things I wish I was better at, but feeling like February and March I’m just this side of falling completely apart I’m prioritizing.  My kids go to bed knowing they are loved and that I will move heaven and earth for them if needed.  I would gladly go through all of their hard things for them if I could, it’s so much harder being a bystander, cheerleader, and shoulder to cry on. There are no more scrapped knees I can kiss better–and it does nothing for terrifying stage fright in my flute player. The best I could do is get new tights, and that does nothing for stage fright either. I can love them until my chest literally aches (yes, really) but they each have to walk down their rough road themselves. 
So, for parent teacher conference I wish I could print that off, hand it to the teacher (who is wonderful, we love her) and walk away because these meetings always feel like it comes back to a statement about my parenting and I already know I’m not doing enough.  Ever.  It’s okay though, I have 2 weeks to fret about it. 

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