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Archive for the ‘family’ Category

Photo Credit Jenelle Lacy 
I love this tribe of mine.  Ups, downs and sometimes it feels like we’re in a snow globe that has been shaken up but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.  I don’t have a picture of extended family so you’ll have to imagine them in there too.

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Quote Hunting

I’ve spent the last 40 minutes looking for a quote that I can’t find.  If anyone knows it I’d love a reference for it. Meanwhile here is the background. 

My pain is getting worse, little things are stacking up on each other with little to no resting time. Last week at work was crazy, I only got lunch one day and the constant running was hard on my back —  especially my climbing over a feeding tube, vent hoses/wires going to the wall, under suction tubing and then stretching sideways. Last week was just the foundation for this week. Every day I have to be at the hospital between meetings, extra shifts, and picture day. Did I mention I’m hurting more? Almost like I’m back in July hurting. I have renters to move in, which means updating the lease that I’ve been putting off can’t be put off any longer. The kittens had a crazy day today breaking the glass out of my favorite picture of Christ and my good mixing bowl. I woke up to glass everywhere upstairs. I can’t neglect to mention the large and obvious chin zit because why should my skin cooperate with me?
I was around my favorite people today though. I’d rather have days (weeks?!?) like this with people I love around me than have a so called perfect day without them.  
Here’s my quote on one of my pictures that warms my heart. The idea isn’t mine and I’ve seen something recently that I can’t find tonight. 
~H

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Love

Earlier this year there was a Facebook post that asked “What do you want to teach your children the most?” I knew my answer before I even finished reading.  I want them to know, to believe, to understand that I will always love them, no matter what. I wish the power of love from me was enough to provide my kids with a kind of bubble wrap that would guarantee they would never deal with trials, pain and Hard Things.  I don’t even know that my love really makes any kind of difference in the big scheme of things.  It doesn’t make math tests easier, school drama go away, or general teenager life change much.  I’m still that weird Mom who wants to meet friends and get to know them, but they can usually count on me for a ride — best way of getting to know them, they’re trapped! It’s easy to love friends, family, and especially your children.

Since my last post about the worth of souls being great I’ve been wondering, if I’m taking on the challenge to see the worth in the souls of those around me, how exactly am I suppose to do that?  I’m great at thinking of good ideas without coming up with a way to accomplish the goal, but this time I think I’ve found my answer in John 13:4 where it says a new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. Okay, again it’s easy to love friends and family, responding to their needs and spending time with them laughing, bonding, working.  Let’s not forget as I have loved you.  Christ loves each one of us, individually not collectively.  He showed that love through kindness and service and ultimately the greatest service that only He could provide in Gethsemane. I’ve been on the receiving end of some amazing service the past several years, and each one makes me choke up a little and realize that I am loved and have friends who care about me.  I could spend a lifetime paying it forward, but this isn’t a budget where a ledger is kept requiring a zero balance when all is said and done, fortunately.

I’ve written before of those who see the worth of souls, who do the things that many others can’t, who help people look at themselves and recognize the worth there.  These aren’t random theoretical people, they have names, families, trials of their own but when I think of their willingness to serve others and to jump in and help people out I can’t imagine that willingness to serve, often times from people that didn’t initially know that is what I imagine loving one another with a Christ like love is and I am grateful for their example and especially their influence in my family’s life. They serve those who need it, not those who they deem worthy and they serve without hesitation or judgement of one’s situation.  If one gets to pick their legacy, I want love to be mine–the action sort of love, not the emotion of romance novels.

~H

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I’m not the first and likely not the last person to write about this.  I will likely have to hear it more often before I actually get it more than temporarily.

I’m not beautiful, pretty or cute.  I come to terms with this mostly avoiding mirrors and such until I see pictures of me.  Being the one behind the camera it’s easy to not be in many pictures, that might be one of my favorite parts of being behind the camera.  Couple this with the idea that pictures should be very, very close to perfect to be kept from my really into photography days and it’s like I have some kind of photogdysmorphic problem. Yes, I made that up. The problem isn’t though.  I have thousands of pictures of flowers, kids, skyscapes, landscapes, sunsets, textures, motel signs, street signs, etc. I like to document my life as I see it, capture the beauty I am able to see around me from simple footbridges to majestic sunsets.

footbridge on the way to The Big Tree

My beautiful Mom hates pictures of herself.  She is most likely to goof off and pull some of her famous funny faces in front of the camera instead of letting us capture her as she normally is.  I’m okay with that, she has an amazing talent of making people laugh and pulling faces.  Her face is beautiful though, see. How can you not love her?

Mom at the cabin for her birthday dinner 2014

Isn’t she amazing?  She hasn’t seen this picture yet but I’m sure she’d pick it apart.  She’s not happy with her hair right now and, and, and.  There is always a list of ands.  I’m very well acquainted with them myself.  The old photographer me wouldn’t have hung onto this picture, or taken it in the first place.  Those cars?  Too distracting?  The focus and framing?  Off because the kids took this picture and I had to crop it way down to get it to follow the rule of thirds.  Who wants such a flawed picture?  Well, I do.  It’s how Michael sees his Grandma.  A wonderful, happy woman with a bright smile and a delicious cake on her lap you can’t see.  This picture is us, family gathered together to celebrate a wonderful woman that has cheered most of us on to get us to where we are now.

This same trip, with both Charlet and Michael having the camera there are pictures of me.  Pictures I don’t like and ones I wanted to delete.

Me, at Grandpa’s Cabin for Mom’s birthday 2014

My cheeks are chubby, I don’t have any make up on and my hair had a mind of it’s own including visible fuzziness and I don’t like the way the shirt makes me look. and, and, and.  I have a hard time seeing anything good in the picture, including flaws and imperfections that aren’t visible.  I can see the looming to do list that I never seem to finish, the stress, the inability to be enough of anything for anyone on my own. Who needs a visible reminder of that?  Not me!

I’ve read, and agreed with, articles talking about the importance of not waiting until the weight is lost or whatever goal it is that is keeping you from wanting to be in pictures because pictures are important.  They show the relationship between a young mother (who may still have some extra weight) and a toddler, the beautiful Grandmother being sung Happy Birthday surrounded by her kids, grandkids, and a great grandbaby who all think she’s the greatest ever (of course that’s because she really is)

I’ve adjusted ever so slightly and will consent to pictures like this one because Grant is cute enough to make up for what I’m lacking. Isn’t his little mohawk the cutest thing ever?  I adore him and so I keep the picture.

Grant and me at Grandpa’s Cabin 2014
I also am a fan of the picture of me that really isn’t a picture of a person.  Feet at the beach (I’ll take one when I’m at the beach, if I ever get there) or something that shows a part of me, perhaps an insight into my personality without actually being a picture of me. It’s me, that’s my hand and it’s a picture I treasure without having to deal with an awkward smile, hair fuzzies, or lack of pristine make up (or any make up at all this trip!)
As I look at the pictures from this trip, most of which I didn’t take it’s a little easier to look past the soft focus, missing catch lights, busy backgrounds, and other flaws because each picture captures a part of what going to the cabin is.  Spending time at the cabin with family is amazing.  Fun, stories, games, laughter and love — if you don’t want to be part of that then you can go somewhere else.  One of my favorite pictures is horrifically flawed.  Two teens trying to a selfie in low light with a DSLR but with flash turned off and who knows where the focus or focal length was.  I love it, it shows the relationship that these two have been building up between them. Thumbnail size it’s just fine!
Charlet and Michael weekend of Grandma’s birthday party 2014

I’m keeping the soft focus, low light, technically flawed pictures and I’m taking a breath and not deleting the pictures of me where I see nothing but imperfections because 100 years from now I don’t want someone to be looking at my pictures and assume my children are motherless because I was too picky over something as silly as a photograph. I may not be beautiful but I hope when my kids see pictures of me that are able to realize how much I love them and that they are the center of my entire world forever and always even with fly away hair, no make up, and unrested eyes.

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Happy Father’s Day

I hope that today is a great day for everyone, yet I know it won’t be. Today will sting for the Mom’s doing double duty and I’m not just talking about single Moms. Military moms, moms who are married to the father of her children but he isn’t very involved, wife who’s spouse is ill or disabled and many other situations I’m unaware of may not love this day quite as much as others. There are those who long to be fathers but can’t or haven’t yet, fathers who have lost a son, fathers trying hard to improve strained relationships, fathers who take time today to make a list of every perceived mistake. To everyone who fits in that category, be kind to yourself because you deserve it.

Last night as I worked on a special project I was thinking about the fathers in my life and how not one of them is the greatest dad, but how most of them are the greatest dad for their children. I have known some not so great dads but all of the ones I’ve known and talked with have kept trying with varying degrees of success. It might not be a Hallmark plot line but seeing a guy working to be the best dad he can warms my heart — even if the rest of the situation is sad or strained. 
Dad Thanksgiving 20??

To my own Dad who probably won’t see this, thanks for teaching me patience in frustrating situations, showing me what unconditional love and support are, teaching me how to roof, drywall, run electrical, plus more things than I should list and for always having my back. I love you and you are the greatest dad I could ever ask for and I hope you have an amazing day. 
To the boys, thanks for being my brothers. Being there to answer my questions, shoulders to cry on, advise givers and antagonists for as long as I can remember has been wonderful. This little (non-spoiled) sister is grateful to be able to look up to you. 
To the guys in the ward who have helped be an example to my kids from showing them how to work and serve to building pinewood derby cars and early morning cross country runs thank you for filling a gap no one else could. 
It would be glaring obvious if I didn’t mention my kids’ dad but finding the right words is difficult, so the condensed version is what you get. Thanks for giving me three wonderful children, without them my life wouldn’t be complete. 
Happy Father’s Day everyone. 

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Dress Up

On Monday we found out that Charlet needed a formal dress for a party on Friday that she’s been looking forward to for a while. That’s not much notice and there isn’t a large variety of places to look for formal gowns and no time to go anywhere. 

Then ShaLiece told me about Cinderella’s Closet, a place in Enoch that rents out modest gowns. Maddie and Kelsey came with us and they had a blast. 
We even found a gown that works (really they all were okay, except one that was a little too big even with the corset back). The winner?
I will be out of town on Friday but Kelsey and Maddie promised to take pictures for me. 

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I think/hope to have started a yearly tradition. Timing kind if sucked, but when in the summer are you going to fun a Saturday that most people aren’t busy?  

Girls and I went up to the cabin Friday to de-cobweb, de-spider and open up the windows at the cabin. The time at the cabin was great without electronics {yes that includes blogging} we ended up going for a slow ride around the loop and while we didn’t see any elk we did see several bucks, a herd of happy cows, a gaggle {?!?} of turkeys and I ran smack into drifts of memories. No camera except for my phone {I know!  See what my life has become?!?} but this mountain is one of my places on earth. 
I’d trade all my bucket list locations to be able to call this home if I had to and I’m grateful I don’t. 
Or up on top

My heart lives in these mountains.

As we were locking up and double checking everything {except the dart board} I asked Charlet if we were leaving it better than when we came. Most of what we cleaned the spiders will replace by September but I realized it ran deeper for me. 
So much of my identity and core beliefs are tied up in that little lot and buildings. I was taught how to work hard, how to have fun, importance of family and friends,as well as so many other lessons. Grandpa built the cabin to be used and enjoyed by family and friends. I don’t think he was smiling down on us from heaven today I think was there with us for every pool shot, the burnt potatoes, the elk sausage breakfast. 

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