Archive for the ‘single parent’ Category

If you either follow my blog or have had very many conversations about when I’m struggling you probably have heard how much I lean on Henry B Eyring’s talk Mountains to Climb. The Mormon Message from that talk is amazing too. In that talk he says “at the bedside of someone ready to give up the fight”.

I had “give up” days last week where I gave up on housework and my accompanying better today than yesterday philosophy. Where I came home from work and ate some crackers and milk for dinner, considering that a success. Where I came home from a Bishop’s appt and sobbed in my driveway.  I’ve pictured what my mountain to climb video would look like and the after is too far away to picture or dream about. Lonely is so difficult for me, it feels like I’m a living version of the Tin Man, just hollow inside. Add a dose of self doubt and it’s a miserable feeling. 
Where I am now feels like forever, I don’t know that I have the strength to get through this, and if I do what is next?  If I give up now will things stop being so hard? It feels as if my ability to cope has been completely over estimated. 
Being a single parent outright sucks sometimes. There is no one there to give you a hug and say that everything is going to be okay, you can get through this together. 
That said, things are still better than they were. It’s harder, definitely, and I miss things that I never had in my marriage but better than they were. 
I have Visiting Teachers coming by today and a bit of cleaning to do so I need to get off of here for now. 

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It’s tough. Really tough regardless of circumstances. You take babies and in not enough years hope and pray that you have taught them everything they need to know to be kind and loving adults. Then you take the sweet sounding version of parenting and you come home from a 14 hour shift to nail polish spilt on the table, hungry kids who haven’t had a chance to tell you how their day was because when they tried to call when you are normally off you were talking to a doc and couldn’t answer. Laundry that is covering the couch waiting to be folded, dishes that need to be washed.

And tomorrow?  Tomorrow you roof. 
I see families who seem to have it all together and I just wonder how. I have a 5 minute drive from work and it’s not long enough to decompress. All of today is still buzzing around me. Did I do all I could do?  I was busy today but did I do my very best? 
When asked about roofing through yesterday’s winds Dad said something along the lines of well, the roof has to be done, I’m going to CA soon and we don’t have the luxury of time. We will do what has to be done because it needs to be done not because it’s convenient. I’ve enjoyed working with Dad on the roof, it’s nice to think and to take Dad’s simple comments and expand it. Parenting is a series of “have to” and often the most critical of the have to things come at the most inconvenient of times. Nail polish on the table after a 14 hour shift and no dinner in the crockpot and needing to shove aside today’s worry and listen to how the field trip went and plans for Homecoming game. 
All difficult and inconvenient. When everyone is in bed and then I want to talk no one is here.  Single parenting is hard, every single day — some more than others, some more lonely than others, almost always overwhelming.  

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